The story
When Alana Chen died at 24 in Boulder, she left behind nearly two dozen journals.
She loved ultimate frisbee, her dogs, and fashion. And dreamed of becoming a nun.
At 14, she confessed to her priest that she was attracted to women. That priest convinced her not to tell her family.
For 7 years, Alana covertly sought pastoral counsel and conversion therapy. After several hospitalizations, she ended her life in 2019.
Simon read about Alana in the news. His story was shockingly similar. He too sought out conversion therapy for nearly a decade in his efforts to become a priest.
As he discovers more about Alana, he’s compelled to understand the truth of what happened to her—and finally face what happened to him.
About the host
Simon Kent Fung
“For years, I kept a secret. Deeply religious and intent on becoming a priest, I sought conversion therapy through individual and group counseling, prayer and healing ministry, and self-study. When I read about Alana’s story, it all came flooding back. I knew I couldn’t keep this a secret any longer.”
Simon has spent the last 15 years in tech and media, most recently as the Director of Design at Patreon, and as a design leader at Google Maps and TIME Magazine. His creative work has been featured in The New York Times, New York Magazine, and The Telegraph, and has been awarded Webbys, Ellies, and an Emmy. He began his career in independent film, developing and art directing the docudrama The Human Experience (2008) which won the Grand Jury Award at the Mexico International Film Festival. He lives in San Francisco and Denver with his pandemic dog Sophie.
Photo: Helena Gruensteidl
Creator, Executive Producer, Writer, Editor
Producer, Composer, Editor, Story Editor
Executive Producer, Story Editor
Executive Producer
Tracy Leeds Kaplan
Supervising Producer
Matthew Pusti
Additional Production
Additional Music
Cooper Skinner
Mixing & Mastering, Sound Design
Cover art, Website, Creative Direction
Voice Actor
Theme song
Sales & Distribution
A production of Tenderfoot TV in association with Aslept Audio and the Center for Independent Documentary.
Special thanks to Oren Rosenbaum, Shelby Schenkman, and the team at UTA, the Nord Group, Shaun Gordon, and Beck Media & Marketing.
So many people supported me in the two-year journey of making this show. But I couldn’t have done it without my producer, composer, and friend, Laurie. This truly was a labor of love. Thank you to Emily Shaw, Tracy Leeds Kaplan, and Shannon Minter for your day one support. To Bill Glenn, Fr. James Alison, and Eunice Park for your mentorship. Jonathan Ghaly, Josh & Brooke Harrison, Lucas & Yvonne Fernandez, David & Kerrie Clark for hosting me at your homes. Matt Polis for your studio, SoundSpace, in Boulder. To my friends, Danny and Newton, Christopher Dowling and my impact team, and all those who gave feedback along the way. Thank you to Donald for believing in this story, and for all of the late nights. To my entire family: Mom, Dad, Margaret, Kevin, for getting me the tape recorder for my birthday, and of course, Vivian.
Thank you Joy Fangman, Nhi Nguyen, Judy Demarest, Berit Stormo-Flanagan, Lauren Boyle, Justin Telthorst, Kassidie Joseph, Natalie Rudd, Ryan Neugebauer, Bryon Hutcheson, Jaime Cowhick, Jon Mauren, Massimo Faggioli, Steve Millies, Jessica Ritter, Fr. Bob Amundsen, Dr. Andrew Merriman, Dr. Hillary McBride, and Dr. Doug Haldeman. Thank you Aidan Hornsby, Mesh Lakhani, Gabby Bulgarelli, Lauren Silverman, Kerianne Thomas, Ben Riskin, Anya Rous, Isabella Way, John Asante, John O’Brien, Michele Glesner, Priya Sanger, Airina Rodrigues, Martha Little, Meggan Elingboe, Valerie Lapinski, Jessica Alpert, Kristine Stolakis, T. J. Berden, Mike Murphy, Miguel Diaz, Matthias Roberts, Therese Bussen, Peggy & Dennis Ehling, Anthony Venn-Brown, John Piccone, Aidan Simpson, Evelyn Quek, Beth Ptaszynski, Mark Guevera, Buster Benson, Colin Marc, Susi Walsh, Mira Simon, Owen Loftus, Mat Shurka, Daniel Javier Morgan, Myles Markham, Gregory Petershack, Chris Damian, Anna Carter, Eve Tushnet, Cathie Soderman, Scott Jensen, Mary Katherine Keller, Fr. Matt Link and the choir at Most Holy Redeemer in San Francisco, Eric Grossman, Zach Balch, Eliana Rusk, Matthew Lachapelle, Maren Larson, Peder & Jenny Morgenthaler, Vannevar Fussell, Kerin Gaydou, Lauren Magin, David Petrushka, Liz Clarke, and Dan Hom.
Finally, my deepest gratitude to the Chen & Calvo family: Carissa, Sophia, Sammy, Mike. And to Joyce. Thank you for trusting me with Alana’s story.
—Simon
